Reader Question:

I have always had a problem with weight and it feels like I have been on a diet my whole life. I have lost a little more than 100lbs and I am the smallest I have ever been. When I started this journey about 2 years ago it was about getting healthy and feeling better about myself…now it runs me. I am afraid to eat because I don’t want to gain weight, I exercise every day almost compulsively and if there is a day that I can’t work out I try not to eat because I won’t be able to burn the calories. I have a difficult time going out to eat with my family because I look at the choices on the menu by calorie content and how long it will take to get rid of them. This causes anxiety and it makes me feel crazy. I weigh myself every week at least and if the scale goes up, I get very depressed. I know that I probably should not lose any more weight but I look in the mirror and still see the fat girl I always saw. I know my family is frustrated with me and I am as well. I feel as if I can’t control this and I don’t know where to turn, I am hungry all the time and I feel very alone. What can I do? – Dying to be Thin

Hi Dying to be Thin,

Thank you so much for reaching out to me. I am so sorry you are going through this. Know that you are not alone. The first thing we need to do is to get a handle on your body dissatisfaction. The number one cause of body dissatisfaction and disordered thinking and eating is dieting. For many people, it becomes a vicious cycle: you go on a diet, lose some weight, feel good for a little while, but then realize it’s never enough. Or maybe you stop dieting and the weight comes back, so you feel even worse about yourself and go on yet another diet. The first thing I recommend you do is throw away your scale. Living by a number is no way to live life, especially when that number means so little. You are so much more than a number on a scale. The second thing I recommend is a media ban. Stop exposing yourself to Photoshopped images of the “ideal” woman. It’s easier to move forward into health if you are not constantly barraging yourself with images of “perfect” women. Third, we need to work on your relationship with yourself and your relationship with food. First, check out the books I recommend on my Resources page on the website. In addition, the following books and websites should help as well. Please let me know if there is anything else I can do to help.

Intuitive Eating by Evelyn Tribole and Elyse Resch – http://www.amazon.com/Intuitive-Eating-Edition-Evelyn-Tribole/dp/1250004047/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1365350847&sr=8-2&keywords=intuitive+eating

The Body Image Workbook by Thomas Cash – http://www.amazon.com/Body-Image-Workbook-Eight-Step-Learning/dp/1572245468

Diet of Despair by Anna Paterson – http://www.amazon.co.uk/Diet-Despair-Eating-Disorders-Families/dp/1873942192

In addition, here are several good web resources for healing your eating disordered thinking:

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/eating_disorder_treatment.htm
http://www.healthyplace.com/eating-disorders/articles/eating-disorders-self-help
http://www.eatingdisorderself-cure.com/
http://www.eatingdisorderhope.com/recovery/self-help-tools-skills-tips
http://www.something-fishy.org/whatarethey/coe.php
http://anred.com/welcome.html

If emotional eating is not the problem, then what is? That’s a good question and one that only you have the answer to. Emotional eating is a coping mechanism. It’s a way of dealing with the problem, but it is not the problem itself. So the real question becomes – when and why did you start emotional eating? When did you learn that food was an appropriate coping mechanism?

I learned that lesson fairly early on in childhood and it stuck with me well into adulthood. In this video, I discuss the factors that lead to emotional eating. While the individual situations may vary, I’ve found that there are generally 4 steps that people go through before they start using food as a coping mechanism. So sit back, relax, and see if any of these steps resonate with you.

Next time, we’ll discuss how to choose a different path. It won’t be easy, and it may not always be pretty, but I’ll be there to help you along a new path to wellness – every step of the way.

Mary,

When I was 11- 21 years old I battled anorexia/ bulimia/ and compulsive exercising. This is nothing to say about a very skewed way I saw myself. I was never thin enough. Until I got pregnant. I stopped my severely unhealthy ways when I got pregnant. I cared more about my baby than I did about my really fears of food.

Its been 7 years. I fell off the wagon a hundred times but never let myself get under 110. I eat whatever I feed my daughter. (I watch her eat and I am afraid to pass on un healthy habits)

My mom has a compulsion against children and white sugar. She is really upset about any child around her who may be eating a cake or cookies. She always reprimanded me on how ugly I will look if I eat this (certain food she is against) I feel like between that and her high expectations I developed my relationship with food badly.

Now my daughter refuses to eat red meat, pretty much every meat besides white meat chicken or fish. She will only eat veggies and no sauces or dressings.

She is a VERY healthy weight for her age and size (average) but I am scared she may develop a bad relationship with food too! (Are eating disorders or food phobias genetic??)

I cut my daughter off of spending time with my mom around meal times and she is still the same. Her pediatrician says she is just picky and give her a vitamin. (Don’t children need fats? Where can she get them if there is no snacks with her??)

How do I reinforce a positive body image and prevent an future eating disorder with my daughter? I am terrified she will have a battle like I did and she is close to the age where mine started.

-Concerned Mom

Hi Concerned Mom,

I hear stories like yours all too often. First, take a deep breath. You haven’t done anything wrong. While there is some evidence that anorexia may have a genetic link, more often than not, anorexia (and other eating disorders) stem from environmental influences. The best things you can do for your daughter are to:

1) Not make a big deal out of her eating habits. So she doesn’t want to eat red meat. Fine. Load her plate up with veggies and chicken or whatever else she’ll eat. I myself am a gluten-free vegan, and I am perfectly healthy and happy. We all have food preferences – some are genetic and some are learned. The important thing to remember is to not make your daughter believe she has done something wrong by choosing to avoid red meat.

2) Be the role model you wish you had when you were a child. Actions do speak louder than words, so you need to treat yourself exactly like you would want her to be treated. This includes modeling healthy eating habits and never labeling foods as good or bad (for yourself or for her – kids are very perceptive and know what you think even if you don’t say it out loud).

3) Offer her healthy choices at meal times and let her pick what she wants to eat. Yes, fats are an important part of everyone’s diet, and we generally want to keep our fat intake between 20% (inactive) and 30% (very active) of our dietary intake depending on our lifestyle choices. But fats don’t have to come from red meat. Have you tried nuts, seeds, avocados, healthy oils? All are excellent sources of fat.

4) Talk to her about what having a healthy diet and body image mean. While I do not advocate telling her about your eating disorder at this point in her life, you can help her learn about nutrition and exercise and that what she sees in the media isn’t necessarily real.

I hope this helps. Please let me know if you have any follow up questions!

For me, it was in high school. I realized my junior and senior year that I had spent way too much time eating Swensen’s ice cream and Arby’s chocolate chip cookies and had a noticeable muffin top. That began my nearly two decade long struggle with my maintaining the weight I thought was the best weight for me (translation: skinny). That was when I discovered dieting and, more importantly, the gym.

Sound familiar? Watch today’s video blog for more about my story of dieting and guilt.

For those of you that have been following me for awhile, you know that my mission in life is to end Dieting and Body Dissatisfaction. Lofty goal, I know. But every little counts and each time I can make a difference in someone’s life, it matters. Which brings me to my latest campaign.

Lately I have been getting a lot of questions about emotional eating and binge eating. So this post will embark a series of posts in all of my venues on the topic of emotional eating. To save you time, if you sign up for my newsletter, each week you’ll get a summary of and link to each of my relevant posts on all of my sites (Huff Post, Psychology Today, To Your Good Health, etc.) keeping you up to date on what’s going on.

Today marks the beginning of my Do or Diet campaign. Obviously, I want you to DO and not DIET. To find out more, check out my video.

I’ve also prepared a handy-dandy chart for you to print off and stick on your fridge or anywhere you need a reminder that you can DO and not DIET. So I hope you’ll join me as we embark on a new journey to free ourselves from the diet mentality and emotional eating.

To your good health!

“What’s the sticky note challenge?”

Well, I’m glad you asked!

Very simply, the sticky note challenge was inspired by my guest spot on Stephanie Pedersen’s Your Big Life last weekend. In the show we discussed the fact that many women, and men, have gotten in the habit of comparing themselves to media images and, as a result, feel “less than…”

This obsession with trying to fit into someone else’s idea of the “ideal body” has got to stop. And as we discussed on the show, even the supermodels don’t really look like that. Cindy Crawford has been quoted as saying, “I wish I looked like Cindy Crawford,” alluding to the fact that by the time the make-up artists are done and her photo has been photoshopped and three inches taken off each thigh, she barely recognizes herself.

I offered several solutions to this problem on the show, but the one that seemed to most resonate with listeners was the Sticky Note challenge. So here it is.

Have you ever heard of Operation Beautiful? The mission of Operation Beautiful is to post anonymous notes in public places for other people to find – notes that would brighten their day. Something like “You are Beautiful.”

I want to use this idea for us to create sticky note for ourselves. Starting on Monday, March 4th, I will post a new Sticky Note of the Day each day on my Facebook page. Ideally you would make several sticky notes that contain that phrase and put them places where you (and others) will see them. Places like your wallet, purse, office cubicle, stairwell, bathroom, a random aisle at Walmart, etc. As a psychologist, I know that the more we see certain messages, the more we start to believe them. So these notes will have a dual purpose: they’ll help you feel better about yourself and they will help others feel better about themselves as well.

I’d love for you to post about your experiences on my Facebook page each day. Where did you put the notes? What did you think about the message of the day? How easy or difficult was it for you to believe that about yourself? What were the reactions of other people who saw the notes?

Keep us posted on how things are going. And as always, if you have a comment or question, click on Ask Dr. Pritchard and leave me a note.

Yes, you do.

Many of you who know me know that I am gluten-intolerant and a vegan. And no, I am not suggesting that as a lifestyle for you. It works for me.

I am also a busy professional. Cooking can be time consuming. I get it. But you don’t have to be Betty Crocker or Martha Stewart. I know I’m not. You want to know my secrets? 1) Cook once, eat 3-4 times off the leftovers. 2) do your meal planning, grocery shopping, and cooking for the whole week on the weekend (it only takes 2-3 hours total if you plan ahead). 3) SIAP.

SIAP? Yep. It stands for Soup In A Pot. It’s my version of “everything but the kitchen sink.” You rifle through your cabinets and fridge and toss something together. Put it on low and hey presto! in a few hours you’ve got a meal that doesn’t take long to prepare.

How long, exactly? It took me 15 min. Here’s what I did:

Min 1 – get pot out of cupboard and put the heat on medium

Mins 2-3 – rifle through fridge and cabinets and come up with ingredients for today’s SIAP: dried mung beans, uncooked quinoa, half a head of cabbage, half an onion, 3 carrots, 2 parsnips, 2 salsify, frozen peas, frozen corn, frozen edamame ( fresh soy beans), frozen kale

Min 4 – pour olive oil around inside rim of pot, wash fresh veggies in veggie wash

Min 5-8 – chop up onion, cabbage, carrots, parsnips, salsify and toss in pot and stir

Min 9-10 – toss in 2 handfuls each (yes, I said handfuls – as in I used my clean hand and reached in the bag) of frozen peas, frozen corn, and frozen kale and one handful of frozen edamame. Toss in and  stir.

Min 11-12 – toss in 1/2 cup each (yes, I used a measuring cup this time since my hand was wet) of mung beans and quinoa and stir

Min 13-14 add hot water to cover veggies. Stir

Min 15-17 – let the mix come to a boil and reduce to simmer

I let it simmer for an hour or so while I do other things. Come back in an hour and you have lunch (or dinner) plus enough left overs to scrape another 2-3 meals out of it!

Other quick tips:

1) I usually leave dry beans to soak over night on my kitchen counter. Drain off the water in the morning and simmer for an hour. If beans make you gassy, try adding a Kombu leaf during the cooking process (kombu is a type of seaweed found in most grocery or health food stores – I promise it doesn’t affect the taste! Just remove the kombu when the beans are done). Use in wraps, add to already made soups, etc. all week

2) I usually cook some rice as well on Saturday or Sunday and combine with the beans and some veggies for an easy-to-throw together wrap or lunch during the week

Prep time for  each of those is minimal and you can do other things while they are simmering on the stove.

Bon appetit!

Like heroin, cocaine and caffeine, sugar is an addictive, destructive drug,

yet we consume it daily in everything from cigarettes to bread.  

-William Dufty, author of Sugar Blues

Reader Question: I currently struggle with wanting sugar. This particularly has increased since the loss of my partner in late November.  (I think I’m missing the “sweetness” of life…) – Sugar Blues

Dear Sugar Blues,

I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your partner, but know that what you are experiencing is not unusual. I had the same problem when I lost my father to cancer a few years ago. Eating carbohydrates, especially sugar, increases the level of two neurotransmitters important in mood regulation: serotonin and dopamine. Thus, eating sugar can make us feel better when we’re feeling a little sad or lonely. That being said, eating sugar doesn’t solve the problem, and as an addictive substance, the more we eat sugar, the more we want it.

So what should you do? I think we need to focus on two issues here:

1) your body’s addiction to sugar

2) using sugar as a coping mechanism.

First off I want to say that you are not alone. We all crave sugar sometimes. A sugar craving is often just the body’s way of asking for energy. So if you haven’t eaten all day, you’ll be more likely to crave sugar because you (and your body) know that it’s a fast-acting energy source. So the first thing I would do is to make sure you are eating healthy food throughout the day so your energy levels stay up.

Next we need to distinguish between different types of sugars. Sugar is a simple carbohydrate that occurs naturally in foods such as grains, beans, vegetables and fruit. When unprocessed, sugar contains a variety of vitamins, minerals, enzymes and proteins. Refined table sugar, also called sucrose, is different. Extracted from either sugar cane or beets, it lacks vitamins, minerals and fiber. Because it has nothing to slow down it’s digestion (like fiber), it enters swiftly into the bloodstream and wreaks havoc on our blood sugar level, causing our moods to fly high and then go really low. So one way to deal with your sugar cravings would be to focus on eating more whole foods containing sugar (e.g., apples, brown rice, carrots, sweet potatoes, small amounts of honey or agave nectar) than processed foods that contained refined sugar (e.g., cake, cookies). That should help you “come off of” your addiction to sugar without the often associated withdrawal symptoms (e.g., headaches, mood swings).

Now, let’s move onto the next topic. Coping. Most of us, myself included, learn from a pretty early age that food=comfort. In my household growing up, sweets=comfort. So what do I turn to now when I am having a bad day? Chocolate. I try to justify it to myself by saying I only eat the good stuff (100% cocao with no added sugar), but it’s still chocolate and it still is not actually solving my problem.

You miss your loved one. I can sympathize. I miss my Dad a lot. Coping with the loss of a loved one is often a powerful, gut-wrenching process. Sometimes it seems like you’ll never be “done” with your grief. Certain times of the year are very difficult for me – my Dad’s birthday, Christmas, Halloween (he died a few days before Halloween).

So how do you cope effectively without turning to sweets? Figure out what it is that you actually want. Someone to talk to? Someone you’ll make you laugh? A good cry? All of the above. I am guessing that you may miss your partner’s companionship. I am not saying that you should try to replace that with someone else, but if there is something new you can find to do that helps fill that void, it might be worth investigating. Can you go out with friends once a month? Join a book club? Take up a new hobby?

My husband and I lost our dog and my father-in-law in the same weekend six months after my father died (it was a really bad year for us). It has been very enlightening to watch how we and our moms have coped with all of this loss. My mom has thrown herself into her artwork as a way to get her emotions out. My mother-in-law has become a social butterfly – taking yoga, tai chi, joining a new church. I have thrown myself into writing and my new business. The bottom line is we all find ways to cope with loss – some are healthier than others. What we need to do for you is to help you find a healthier way to get those emotions out than by turning to food. Can you think of anything you can do that would bring you joy right now? Do that, and allow yourself time to cope and grieve. It does take time, but in the long run making healthier choices in dealing with your grief should make you happier and help you deal better with whatever life throws at you.

I hope this has helped. Please let me know if you have any other questions or if there is anything else I can do to help you in your time of grief. Remember that you are never alone.

Reader Question: Hello Dr.Pritchard! I came across your reading on “Psychology Today” which brought me to your blog and I just want to say your readings are very insightful I have very very much enjoyed reading your work. I’m 18 and all my life I’ve struggled with my weight. Growing up with my grandparents until I was 7 I was always around junk food, fast food, pop, all the unhealthy foods. And by 8 I was adopted by my auntie whose been brought up of healthy eating all her life an it has definitely helped a lot in my life but when I was 12 moved with my grandparents for about a year, gained a good 60 pounds leaving me at approx. 170 pounds. They passed and I moved back to my mothers(aunt) and eventually over the years i dropped down to about 140 pounds. When I turned 16 I was rebellious and moved out into a friends and was in my party stage where I thought “I don’t need rules in my life, I want to have fun”. Gained a good 40-50 pounds during the 14 months being away from home. i eventually hit rock bottom and moved back home of may 2012.  I learned ALOT being away from home and that life cannot be taken for granite. I’m a health fanatic now and exercise in weight training mostly  but the past 3 months my weight is constantly fluctuating between 138-147. I’ll gain 6 pounds, lose 2 pounds. Gain 4 pounds lose 3 pounds, gain 6 pounds and ill lose it again! I give into these cravings of mine even though I know I’m sabotaging my workouts. Ill be good for about three days and then I go right back to stuffing my face with a bunch if chocolate, or peanuts a full bag, frozen yogurt, or crackers. I end up eating everything until the whole package is gone too. Mostly at night is when it happens(the cravings) Then off I go out in the country on the trails ill go working my but off to get rid of the amount I ate hours after I over indulged. But sometimes I’m just too tired to even bother. It’s been quite frequent and I don’t want to be going into the wrong direction again. I’ve battled with my weight all my life and I’m ONLY 18 5″8! Do you have any advice for me?

- Giving into Temptations

I’m glad you asked. Yes, I can help. It sounds like we are dealing with two separate issues here: 1) eating disordered thinking/body dissatisfaction, and 2) binge eating with non-purging compensatory behaviors. We’ll deal with each in turn.

1) If I understand you correctly, you are 18 years old, 5’8″ and your weight fluctuates between 138 and 147 pounds. The first thing I want to point out is that you are actually at a healthy weight. Yes, it fluctuates, which we can work on to keep it steady, but either end of the range is healthy for your age and height, so even at 147, you don’t need to lose weight. What you need to do is become comfortable in the skin you’re in. Why do you think you’re overweight? Is it the media? Your family? Your friends? Because you’ve had a history of gaining and losing and you’re worried about gaining again? Once I have a better idea, I can point you to the right resources.

2) Binge eating with compensatory behaviors (working out to “get rid of” what you ate) – to get your bingeing under control, the first thing you need to do is stop dieting. I know, I know, but the diet mentality is what is setting you up to binge. By labeling foods as “good” or “bad” and then depriving yourself of the “bad” foods, you are setting yourself up to binge on those foods. You’ve already mentioned your rebellion a few years ago – that’s exactly what’s happening here. You are depriving yourself of something you really want and then rebelling by eating it in excess.

So how can you stop? Here’s what I want you to do. It might seem extreme, but bear with me…

a)      Get reacquainted with what it feels like to be hungry and what it feels like to be full. Most of us have long forgotten this and it may take some time to recover. That’s okay. Just be patient. One reason people binge at night is that they are depriving themselves all day long – trying to be “good” by starving themselves. So by the time dinner comes around, they are starving and eat everything in sight. Given that most of your bingeing occurs at night, I am guessing you might be under-consuming calories during the day. (If you want to know how many calories per day you need, check out my last blog).

b)      Enjoy your food. That’s right. No eating in the car on the way to work. No texting while talking on the phone while shoveling down a bite of salad. I’m giving you permission to eat whatever you want when you want it (even those “bad” foods!). You might as well enjoy it; otherwise, what’s the point? Which leads us to our next “rule.” And yes, it bears repeating.

c)      Eat whatever you want without feeling guilty – if you decide that you want that piece of chocolate cake, have it. Just abide by rule #1 – eat when you’re hungry, stop when you’re full. By allowing yourself to eat whatever you want, you’ll learn to gain control of your binges. If you aren’t depriving yourself of your favorite foods, then you won’t feel the need to binge on them and you’ll be satisfied with less of them.

d)      Get out there and move – you talk about working out a lot, but do you enjoy it? If yes, then keeping doing it, if not, then find an activity you love to do – or maybe several. Don’t force yourself to do step aerobics at the gym if you hate it. You know what I just discovered? Belly dancing. And I love it. It’s just a bunch of women of all shapes and sizes moving their bodies in fun and interesting ways. It doesn’t seem like a workout at all! And that’s the key here – don’t exercise. For most of us exercise isn’t fun, it’s a way to burn calories. But movement, on the other hand, can be quite freeing. So dance like no one’s watching while singing at the top of your lungs. Fun, isn’t it?

e)      Stand up for yourself – the next time somebody asks, “Are you gonna eat that?!” Say, “Why, yes. Would you like a bite?” Don’t let that person challenge your own ability to know what your body wants in that moment. No one knows your body better than you do. Respect that. Honor that. And forget about what anyone else thinks.

6)      Get in touch with your emotions – when you find yourself reaching for something you used to consider “bad,” go back to rule #1 – first ask yourself if you are really hungry. Then ask yourself if that is what you really want right now. If the answer to both questions is yes, then dive in. However, if you find that you really aren’t hungry, and then ask yourself what you do want. We get so used to filling emotional voids in our lives with food, oftentimes we never stop to listen to our bodies to find out what they really want. A big part of healing from the diet mentality is learning to become friends with your emotions. If you’re sad, have a good cry. If you’re angry, punch a pillow. But don’t attempt to bury your feelings under a pint of Ben and Jerry’s. It won’t work. It never really has. 

For more on dealing with your cravings, sign up for my newsletter and get my free ebook, Help! I Can’t Stop These Cravings.

I hope you find this helpful. Please let me know if you need any additional resources or have any further questions. I’m always here to help. Good luck!

Reader Question: After having thyroid  issues, which started 3 yrs ago. Rise in blood sugar, and gaining weight just by looking at food. One day I had enough. Donated to local church food bank all food that was prepared, processed or high in sugar I got rid of everything. Started fresh and lost 43 pounds last year. Dr was amazed…wanted to know what I had done. I have remained the same can’t seem to take off the next 40 pounds. I work kind of crazy hours as a PSR. So I have a hard time eating regularly, but I still eat relatively health. I can no linger eat a lot of processed foods or quick foods, because it makes me sick, which is a good thing, but sometimes painful. I now need help eating and working towards getting the weight off. Can you help me?

Answer: It sounds like you’ve been through a lot with your health in the past few years,  but look how far you’ve come! A 43 pound weight loss in one year is incredible. And you’ve kept it off, too. You should be proud of yourself for ditching the processed foods and transforming your life. You go!

Now for your question. Let’s start with a brief lesson in metabolism.

Metabolism is the amount of energy (calories) your body burns to maintain itself.
Metabolism is affected by:
Gender – you can’t change that!
Your body composition – that you can change
How much you exercise – ditto
Calorie restriction/dieting (more on this later)
Genetics – can’t change that one either

So if any of these factors change (genetics and gender won’t, obviously, but the others can), your metabolism may go up or down. Body fat percentage tends to go up as we age because we tend to work out less; the more body fat you, the fewer calories you need to take in. Since calories are energy and exercise burns energy/calories, the more you exercise the more calories you need.

Now, dieting is a trickier issue.

Early in a diet, caloric deficit results in weight loss from fat stores being burned and loss of body water from glycogen depletion. Eventually, your body notices this change in fat stores and decreases Basal Metabolic Rate (BMR) to replenish lost fat. BMR might decrease by up to 45%. When the decrease in BMR = the decrease in calorie deprivation, you hit a weight plateau and stop losing weight. It sounds like that’s where you are now.

So what do you do? A few things:

1) Track what you are eating and how much you are exercising for a few days. There are lots of free apps out there for this purpose. I like My Net Diary, but use whatever is easiest for you.

2) Average your caloric input and output over the course of those days and see what you are consuming and burning on most days. This is your baseline.

3) Go to this website and create a profile: https://www.supertracker.usda.gov/CreateProfile.aspx. Once you’ve done that, it will tell you how much you should be eating of each food group each day. If you click around, you’ll even find sample meal plans. What I want you to pay attention to, however, is the amount of calories they recommend you take in versus what you are currently consuming. One primary reason we hit a weight loss plateau is because we are actually eating too little. If that is the case, then gradually up your caloric intake – with healthy foods, especially vegetables and fruit. Your weight will likely fluctuate for a few weeks, but then you should start to notice a difference. If you are eating more calories than they recommend, then the easiest way to lose weight is to exercise! Run, walk, jump on a trampoline. Just move for 30-60 min each day.

4) Last but not least, you didn’t mention what you are eating, but try to consume lots of fresh produce and whole foods. Many processed foods are not actually recognized as foods by our bodies so we keep eating more and more as our bodies are starving for nutrients. The USDA guide is not perfect, but it’s a good place to start.

If you have any more questions, please let me know! Good luck!